Updated: Oct 24, 2019
I'm sooooo excited about becoming a grandmother. My little boy (well he’s 36) is going to be a Dad!
After two plus years of agonizing procedures, endless waiting and worrying, the miracle we’ve been waiting for is finally on his way.
Here’s my fantasy: baby arrives, doting grandmother rushes over to help while mom and dad adjust to their new roles.
Here’s my reality: they live in Florida, not around the corner. There’s financial stress in flying down several times a year, complicated by the logistics of traveling disabled. The MS also prevents me lifting and carrying the baby. It seems like I’m going to miss all the best parts! My heart is breaking.
Ever since they started planning a family I’ve been excited but at the same time, hanging on to disappointment because of my disability. Not that they noticed it. They’ve had my total love and support through all the agonizing steps of IVF.
You see, being a coach doesn’t shield me from myself. You know what they say about doctors making the worst patients.
I realized that it was time to face my guilt and other 'demons' like feeling a failure for not being good enough and fear of disappointing them. They needed to know that I may not be able to do what they expected.
I called them and explained all the things I couldn’t do—and about my sadness. Then I explained what I could do — change diapers, feed baby, rock him, even walk him in the stroller (for me, it’s just as good as my walker).
Instead of being disappointed they were thrilled that I wanted to be so involved—not just with the newborn but with their little boy as he grows up. They look forward to me reading, singing and playing with him. It was like a huge weight lifted, I felt as light as a butterfly. Wow!
My real obstacles are worry, fear and anger —not my physical limitations.
Keeping those feelings inside was the worst thing I could have done. Sharing this with Stephen helped a bit because he validated what was going on inside me, but the real healing and growth began when I shared this with my son and daughter-in-law.
They helped me see the big picture. I was able to let go of a skewed perception of who I am or whether I’m capable or not. I let go of the illusion that things should be a certain way. Things rarely work out the way they should, in other words the way we want. That’s the fantasy! And a tough habit to break.
My son and daughter-in-law went through hell and high water to become pregnant. They managed every roadblock on this journey. I’m in awe of their courage, strength and tireless optimism. It’s just the beginning, but I know they’re going to be awesome parents.
And I'm going to be an awesome granny!