Have you ever felt like you need to distance yourself from a friend or relative because of political or ideological differences? How are you handling it?
Over the last four years a few family members revealed that they no longer shared our moderate worldview. They now embrace conspiracy theories and a groupthink of moral outrage while putting their faith in a convicted gas lighter— former president DT, and they're Canadian! My heart sank. What caused this dramatic shift from openly caring for others to being so closed and angry?
Narrow-minded thinking is not new to my family. Growing up I saw how uncomfortable, even callous some older relatives behaved around gay family members. But this I can understand. As the children of middle eastern immigrants, male and female roles were clearly defined, there was no place for ‘outsiders’ that might threaten the balance of the community to which they belonged.
Reflecting on these experiences including heated conversations with my father who preached the values of integrity and respect ad nauseum, I realize that their intolerance was FEAR. He was brought up to fear God, fear oppressors and invaders, fear others who didn't belong to the tribe. Fear was a powerful motivator to protect cohesion of family and community.
So is fear of not-belonging the catalyst that incited their core beliefs?
Maybe. It happens all the time. Fear of isolation often drives people to seek belonging even if it means aligning with ideologies they once rejected. They may change religions or political affiliations to satisfy a basic need we all have for companionship, acceptance, love and belonging.
When my dad died mom was only 56. Without him by her side she became an outsider in the community. Gradually her ‘close’ friends stopped calling. Her greatest fear was to grow old alone and so a few years later she met and settled for a controlling bully for a partner. Nobody liked him which isolated her even more. She may not have been alone physically but I know she was very lonely, often saying that he was ‘better than nothing’ or ‘ find me someone else’. After he passed, I never saw her mourn.
I feel guilt because I'm staying away right now. After too many stressful conversations, I want to figure out how to socialize while ignoring the massive elephant in the room.
People tell me to just not talk about politics but it's more than politics, it's about fundamental core values vs unscientific conspiracy theories, hate speech vs respectful debate. Hard to ignore.
This is a difficult subject even for a life coach. It's hard to acknowledge that sometimes communication is not always possible.
Have you faced similar challenges with family or friends? How do you balance maintaining relationships with staying true to your values?
While these challenges are complex, perhaps by sharing our experiences and strategies, we can find ways to bridge these divides without compromising our core values.
#Belonging #ConspiracyTheories #Groupthink #Polarization #FearAndBelonging #FamilyDynamics #MoralOutrage #Empathy #Integrity #OpenDialogue #DifficultConversations #EmotionalHealth #SocialIssues #CulturalDifferences #PersonalGrowth #CommunitySafety #HonestyInRelationships #ConflictResolution #FindingCommonGround
Comments